I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
