apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
