just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
