i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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