i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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