ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
