I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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