I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
