So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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