My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
