But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Randomize
