Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
