Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
