I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
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