You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
