The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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