Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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