she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
