My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
You need a sexual gate keeper
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
