At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
