just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
