cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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