Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
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