you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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