So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
