But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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