hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
