I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
