My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
