What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
