If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
