I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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