.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Randomize
