I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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