Come see our sink grown plant.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
