My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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