so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
