She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
