Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
