what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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