is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
