we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
