I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
