You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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