Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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