I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
My vagina just recognized that song.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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