shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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