I just cut my nipple shaving
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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