I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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