There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
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