Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
