Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
