Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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